


Jingle Bells

by kronette



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 10:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another little ficlet I wrote to include in Christmas cards in 2012. Contains references to series X.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jingle Bells

Rimmer sighed, head in hand as he stared at the date readout. It was their 27th year stuck on Red Dwarf, with not much else besides rogue droids and the occasional GELF to give a bit of shakeup to their lives. They'd long ago given up hope of calculating what date it was back on Earth or Io. Not long after Lister had come out of stasis, he'd declared it 1 January 3002500 and they'd gone from there. 

Now the date was ticking down to Christmas and Rimmer didn't know what to do. They'd exchanged silly gifts found throughout the ship over the years, but it was getting harder to find something that wasn't gnawed on by space weevils or something they didn't already have. Lister at least had his knitting to fall back on; Rimmer wore his scarf every year on Christmas Day. 

Despite his protests to the contrary, Kryten was still happiest when he received new cleaning supplies. Get Cat a shiny thing, even one he already had, and he'd be thrilled. It was too easy, though. Everything Rimmer thought of, was the easiest thing to find. Lister put so much time and effort into his gifts, that it made Rimmer's efforts that much paler by comparison. 

Rimmer knew he wasn't good at creating anything. Oh, he could come up with forms and regulations enough to make your hair curl, but something that required creativity, thought and skill? He shook his head. He was down to two weeks and still no idea of what he could give as presents this year. 

He took a walk around the hydroponics gardens that Kryten tended, hoping for a miracle. 

=-=-=-=-=

Lister rubbed his hands together as he surveyed the small pile of gifts under the holographic tree in the middle of the table. The lights sparkled and twinkled just like real lights, but the presents beneath were most definitely real. 

Cat was prowling around their quarters, anxious to open his presents. "Come on, Bud! You said to wait until Christmas Day; it's Christmas Day. Let's get to the opening!" 

Lister rolled his eyes. "Stop your whingeing, Cat," he said good-naturedly. "We have to wait for Kryten and Rimmer. It's the same every year with you, isn't it?" 

"Of course it is; I'm a cat. We're curious to a fault. I need to know what's in the shiny paper!" Cat reached out one hand slowly, but Lister caught it and shook his head. 

"No, Cat. You have to wait." 

Cat crossed his arms and sniffed. "I don’t want to know what I got anyway. Who needs your stupid presents?" 

Lister's mouth curled in an indulgent smile. "You will, in about two minutes." 

Cat was suddenly enthralled. "Why? What happens in two minutes?" he asked eagerly. 

Lister's smile ticked up a notch. "You'll forget you were sulking." 

Cat looked affronted. "Sulk? Me? I do not sulk, Bud." His eyes locked on the presents once more. "Can I open my stuff now?" 

Lister burst into laughter which grew stronger as Cat pinned him with a confused glare. He shook his head, unable to answer. Thankfully, Kryten and Rimmer returned then; Kryten with some eggnog and hot toddies, Rimmer with a few packages which he set under the tree. 

Lister's eyes twinkled as he asked Rimmer, "Is one of them for me?" 

Rimmer's coy look intrigued him. "You'll see," he said as he flipped the end of his scarf over his shoulder. 

By tradition, they let Cat open his presents first. Like an over-eager child, he tore into the wrapping paper, which Lister saw him stash into his jacket to bat around later. Cat received two new string-on-a-stick toys from Kryten, a knit cozy for his hair dryer from Lister, and surprisingly, a pale pink silk handkerchief from Rimmer. 

Cat sniffed the silk and purred. "This is quality, Rimmer. Where'd you get it?" 

Rimmer shifted nervously. "It belonged to my grandmother. I'd forgotten I had it, and since I never had need for it…" his voice trailed off and he perked up. "You were deserving of some new silk." 

"Thanks, Buddy!" Cat started to play with one of his new string-on-a-sticks while the others opened their gifts. 

"From me, sir," Kryten handed a small package to Lister. 

Grinning like a little boy, Lister unwrapped the box and found new studs for his jacket. "Brutal, Krytes! I can always go for a bit of sprucing up." He looked expectantly at Rimmer, who shook his head with a grin, then turned to the mechanoid. 

Rimmer handed Kryten a flat package. "For the mechanoid who has everything, Kryten." 

"Oh, sir, you shou—" Kryten began to say in his overly polite tone, then stopped as he got a good look at the gift. "Sir, this is – I can't accept this." Inside a silver picture frame with gold trim was a photo of Kryten and Camille, Kryten's first love. 

"Yes, you can," Rimmer said quietly. "I had several of those frames crafted for my achievement certificates. That photo deserves a place of honor in your quarters and now it shall have it." 

"Thank you," Kryten said sincerely, utterly forgetting to tack on his usual 'sir' as he held the frame with both hands. 

Lister narrowed his eyes at Rimmer, trying to read what he was about. There was something different about Rimmer; like some sort of peacefulness had settled over him. He was shuffling presents around, selecting two that were identical. "These are from Cat, for us." 

Lister shrugged and accepted the package from Rimmer, and they opened them at the same time. Cat had embroidered their initials on two sets of JMC-issued towels, thankfully not the threadbare ones. Cat must have given up some of his hoard. 

"Hey, thanks, Cat!" Lister enthused, rubbing the soft terrycloth against his cheek. "I'd forgotten what good towels felt like." 

"It'll be nice to shower and not feel like I'm sandpapering my skin," Rimmer agreed. 

"Whatever dudes," Cat answered distractedly, yowling as he hit a balled up piece of wrapping paper into the air and leapt after it. 

Lister chuckled again, Rimmer joining in. "Never change, Cat." He surveyed the few remaining gifts. "Who's next?"

Rimmer nodded to a gift nearer to Lister. "That's yours for Kryten, isn't it?" 

"Yeah. Sorry it’s not as nice as Rimmer's, but I hope you'll like it." He handed Kryten the bulky, poorly wrapped package. 

"Sir, I'm sure I'll love it because it's from you." Kryten carefully opened the paper and neatly folded it before surveying the knit material. "Is this what I think it is, sir?" Kryten asked diplomatically. 

Lister grinned. "Yeah, it's a hat for spare head #3. I know how he gets sick, so I figured that'll keep him warm." 

"A most thoughtful gift, sir. I'm sure spare head #3 will love it. Thank you." Kryten gave a slight bow. Kryten reached over and took up another small package. "For you, Mr. Rimmer, sir." 

Looking as though he'd just been given the keys to a 1951 Bentley Graber, Rimmer opened the paper and exclaimed over the new braces. "They match my tunic exactly. Thank you, Kryten." 

Seemingly surprised at Rimmer's enthusiasm, Kryten merely said, "You're welcome, sir." 

Down to two presents, Lister pushed one toward Rimmer. "That's from me." 

Rimmer nodded to the other. "And that's from me." 

Lister reined in his curiosity long enough to watch Rimmer open his gift. Rimmer had been complaining that the ship's drive room was getting colder, despite the ship not having seasons or weather. Rimmer's face lit up as he removed the fingerless gloves knitted to look like the leathers Lister wore. 

"So you'll keep warm even while you're typing," Lister explained unnecessarily, suddenly nervous. 

Rimmer slipped them on and held his hands out, admiring the fit. "They're perfect; thanks Listy."

With a wicked grin that made Lister all the more nervous, Rimmer nodded to the small, square package sat in front of Lister. "Go on, then. Yours is last." 

Licking his lips, Lister opened the box to find a small remote with a sticky note that said, "Press me" attached to a red button. He did as instructed, but nothing happened. Unsure how to react, he looked up and started to ask, "Was this supp—" Words died as he took in Rimmer's new appearance.

Rimmer's outfit was now red, with a Santa hat tipped at a rakish angle on his head. Rimmer had removed his knit gloves but white gloves now graced his long fingers. He didn't have Father Christmas' beard or white hair, but that dark twinkle still lit his eyes. 

"Rimmer," he breathed, raking his roommate from head to toe. "You're not Father Christmas." 

Rimmer shook his head, his cheeks taking on a reddish hue. "No, but I will grant you all the wishes you want for a full 24 hours." 

Lister blinked at him. He turned to ask Kryten if he'd heard correctly, but the mechanoid was gently pushing Cat out of the room. Confused, he turned back to Rimmer and asked, "You what now?"

The red color grew more pronounced as Rimmer explained, "For a full 24 hours, starting from now, I will do anything you ask, without question or hesitation." 

A wicked smile curved Lister's lips. Oh, the humiliating things he could do to his roommate to make up for the years of abuse. "Absolutely anything? You sure about that, Rimmer? I have a fairly wild imagination." 

Some of the sparkle left Rimmer's eyes. "Ever since I found out who my real father was, I've been struggling to figure out who I am now. Everything I thought I stood for, everything I thought was expected of me, wasn't really for me. My father was a simple man who cared for simple things, but he cared deeply. I want to be more like him, starting with giving away the things that reminded me of who the Rimmers wanted me to be."

The picture frame. The kerchief. All things belonging to Rimmer's family, and he'd just given them away. Happily and with sincerity. The need to humiliate Rimmer was fading fast the more Rimmer talked. 

"The drive to succeed in the Space Corps was always my father's desire. I never really wanted to join up, but my wants and desires were never considered. I did what was expected of me." 

Lister grew more confused. "So how is me telling you what to do going to help with all of that? You'll still be doing what someone else tells you to do." 

Rimmer's dark green eyes locked on his. "The difference, Dave, is that I trust you. I expect there will be some humiliating things; after all, I've had years to annoy the smeg out of you. But I know you won't take it too far. This is your chance for payback without recriminations." 

Lister stared hard at his roommate, tormentor, friend and saviour on so many occasions and tried to read what was on his mind. Rimmer was remarkably calm for someone so used to being in control at all times. Rimmer really did trust him, and Lister knew he couldn't do half the things he'd thought up for Rimmer. He decided to turn the tables, to understand what it was that Rimmer was really looking for. "Time for your first order, then. Tell me what it is you want." 

Rimmer looked startled. He clearly hadn't anticipated that. "What do you mean?" 

Lister leaned forward, sensing he was onto something important. "I order you to tell me what it is you want most." 

Rimmer licked his lips and the color returned to his cheeks, but he met Lister's gaze as he answered, "To kiss you." 

It was Lister's turn to sit back, startled. The initial shock wore off quickly and a pleasant warmth was building low in his gut. Kissing Rimmer wasn't all that horrible a thought. Not horrible at all. "Get over here and kiss me, then," Lister instructed gruffly, trying to mask his anticipation. Heart racing out of control, he heard tinny bells as Rimmer stood up and walked over to him.

"Are you wearing jingle bells?" he asked in disbelief. 

Rimmer's eyes were back to twinkling darkly at him, with promises of more than kissing. "You can find them later," Rimmer breathed as he leaned down and pressed his lips against Lister's. 

Not the most revelatory kiss he'd experienced, though it was pleasant, if brief. "Is that all you got?" Lister taunted him softly, seeing the quick rise and fall of Rimmer's chest as he leaned back down. 

Lister's eyes closed as Rimmer kissed him again, this time with more confidence. 

Impatient to see what else Rimmer was hiding, he grabbed the back of the hologram's head and slipped his tongue between Rimmer's lips, enjoying the whine at the back of Rimmer's throat. Heat and tingling and stomach tightening in anticipation, Lister was awash in Rimmer and feelings he hadn't felt in a very long time. 

Balanced precariously on the chair, Lister felt himself start to slide downward as Rimmer pressed fully against him. Strong hands gripped his hips and pulled him to standing.

Breathless, he stared up at Rimmer in astonishment. "How long have you wanted to do that?" 

"Long enough," Rimmer admitted. "Happy Christmas, Dave." 

"Oh, I'm going to give you the best smegging Christmas of your life, Arnold," Lister promised. "Starting with finding those bells." 

Rimmer wiggled his shoulders and the bells jingled. "I'm yours to command, Listy." 

"We'll get to that later," Lister promised, looking Rimmer up and down with a smirk. "First, I'm going to strip you to find those bells…"

Merry Smegging Christmas!


End file.
